It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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