Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
