I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
