Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
