I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
