Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
