I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
