you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize