Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
