I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
