so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
