I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
whose ass print is on the piano?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
