she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
