so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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