what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
