fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
