I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
