We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
