I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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