I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just want nice things and good sex
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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