I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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