question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
