I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize