Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Alive.
So much puke
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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