She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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