someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
