At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
