4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
