dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
