I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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