I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
