I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
