My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
