You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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