Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
