I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
