the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
