I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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