I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
