not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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