Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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