I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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