you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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