I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
