Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
