Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
thus making me awesome and them whores
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
