i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
