I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
