I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
