That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My vagina just recognized that song.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
