you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
