guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
