I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
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Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
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But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I touched a dick in church today
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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