So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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