He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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