hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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