i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
