My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up