he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments