i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
