We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
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A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
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So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse