They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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