You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
