Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
