whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
