let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
