You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
