If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
