i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
