we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
