Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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